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Before we commence with the festivities, I wanted to thank everyone for helping my first book become a Wall Street Journal bestseller. To check it out, click here. We all want good, close friends. Unlocking the Power of Friendship:. Sociologist Ray Pahl states that friendships today are based primarily on trust and emotional intimacy. Emotional intimacy is the experience of being deeply connected to another person Seeking an intelligent friend in Sentation knows and understands your most important feelings and who shares his or her own with you.
So we can probably recognize the concept better by looking at its opposite. Both sexes can certainly struggle, but this is a department where men really lag behind. And that causes a lot of problems for men. Men who lack emotional intimacy take longer to recover from minor illnesses, have lower resistance levels, and have reduced survival times when diagnosed with terminal illness.
They are 50 percent more likely to have a first-time heart attack, and twice as likely to die from it, than men with strong social ties. At the far end of the life cycle, older men without close relationships have 20 percent lower ten-year survival rates compared with those who do. So how do you increase emotional intimacy and build emotionally intelligent friendships? It comes down to six steps. The thing everybody skips. Knowing yourself means you know what you want and need, and this is critical for both picking new friends and strengthening existing relationships.
How many friends would you optimally have? What level of closeness do you need? How frequently do you want to communicate? Research shows this is critical for women. By defining relationships for themselves, women are able to construct them in a way that is more consistent with their own beliefs.
So take some time to think about what you want and need. Really sit down and take a half hour and think. And write stuff down. Time to be a little more deliberate. To learn more about the science of a successful life, check out my new book here. Daniel Hruschka reviewed studies on the causes of conflict in friendship and found that the most common friendship fights boil down to time commitments.
Spending time with someone is a sure Seeking an intelligent friend in Sentation that you value him; no one likes to feel undervalued. And the research shows this is where men make a big mistake. From the responses, it appears women were less apt to say they did not have time for friends.
It may be that some men are pulled by work and cannot find the time to balance friends, work, and family. Unsurprisingly, in adulthood the biggest thing that takes away friend-time is family-time. Including friends in family time is not only a way to kill two birds with one stone, it also improves both relationships.
Most Pay for video sex chat without a membership was how couples rated their own relationships more positively after interacting with other pairs. Putting your best Seeking an intelligent friend in Sentation forward for new friends allows you to shine and to see your partner through new eyes as she shines, too. Maintaining older mutual friendships also strengthens the bond between long-term partners: Having people around who think of the two of you as a unit, who admire your relationship, and who expect you to stay together can sustain you through times of doubt or distance.
Seeking an intelligent friend in Sentation you want to make friendships a priority and give them the time they need to become emotionally intimate.
To learn how to make friends easily, click here. But which of your friends do you need to focus on building emotional intimacy with? Looking at the researchthe types of friends that men and women have fall into the same four categories: To learn more about the types of friends everyone needs, click here. So if you lead, some will follow. Organize a group, throw a party, or just invite a friend to coffee.
All the research agrees: Not only does it draw us to people, it also makes friendships more likely to last. Similarities also occur when tastes and interests match up, and similarities make friendships easier to maintain. And, unless you are interested in hanging out with people who make Seeking an intelligent friend in Sentation feel Senior dating online about yourself not a good interest to havefinding someone who conveys that you are likeable to them will be very reinforcing to your self-esteem.
Beyond similarity, you should also look for people you want to learn something from. To learn more about how to make friends as an adult, click here. These experts must not be good communicators. You want to focus on four primary elements: Women are much better at this than men.
They spend more time communicating and focus more on emotional support. When asked the question concerning what they did with their friends, giving emotional support also was more common for women than for men. Much of male communication is Seeking an intelligent friend in Sentation the other guy which, taken too far, is the opposite of safety. Males are taught not to be expressive. And guys tend to focus on problem-solving instead of listening during conversations.
We have found in our Friendship Labs that men are often willing to trade zingers and even Seeking an intelligent friend in Sentation mutual sparring, but only in limited doses. That said, women face challenges here too. Because they are taught to put others at ease and say supportive things, the issue of trust can become a problem: The solution for both sexes is, you guessed it, more and deeper communication.
Doing the things necessary to make the other person feel safe — and then vulnerably discussing tough subjects gently and respectfully. To learn more about how to handle the most difficult of conversations, click here. So you have the tools to build emotional intimacy. But once you have it, how do you keep a solid friendship alive? Friendships require upkeep, like a plant.
You need to stay in regular contact. Research shows for solid friendships, every 2 weeks is the minimum. In general, women are much better at this than men. But ladies face problems as well. Due to the amount of communication and openness, women are more likely to damage their friendships than men. That said, women are more likely to make efforts to repair damaged friendships, while men are more likely to let the relationship dissolve.
So women might want to put more effort Seeking an intelligent friend in Sentation to not Seeking an intelligent friend in Sentation offended. To learn how neuroscience can teach you to be more emotionally intelligent, click here.
Time to round it all up and see how all this leads to a more meaningful life…. Research shows your friends often know you better than you know yourself. Join overreaders. Unlocking the Power of Friendship: So what is emotional intimacy? What are the most common friendship fights about? The closest of the close.
Not inner circle, but people you trust, share confidences with and know are there for you. You need to be proactive and initiate contact. Who do you want to rub off on you? To make you a better spouse, parent, worker or human being? Is my friend going to feel comfortable opening up to me? Am I being too judgmental? Or, at the opposite extreme, too nosy and pushy? Are you sharing personal thoughts and feelings with them?
Seeking an intelligent friend in Sentation is powerful and this is vital to helping both of you. Nod, acknowledge, and summarize what your friend said for confirmation. To get the friendships you want, you have to know what you want. More accurately, make it a priority. We all waste time. Must, Trust, Rust, Just: The first two are key. In case you need confirmation, waiting for the phone to ring does not, in fact, make the phone ring.
Create safety, be vulnerable, be emotionally expressive and use active listening.
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